1:41 A.M.

The Poet and I went out for dinner to the Japanese place that serves brown rice. Both of us had cooked salmon with brown rice, although I could only eat about 1/4 of the rice because they had put soy sauce on parts of it. I was still hungry when we got home, and had little snacks all night-- fried tofu with miso, popcorn cooked in ghee, avocado, a piece of cheese. I finally stopped feeling hungry, was exhausted and fell asleep by 10pm.

12:45 and I was awake again, hungry.

Now the thing about this diet is that it does make me very hungry, and I have lost some weight on it, which was definitely not my goal. I'm eating as many high-fat foods as I can manage so I can keep my weight up. (The Poet is skipping most of the high-fat stuff and losing weight, but that is what he wants).

But what is real hunger and what is the hunger of the yeast? Because I've realized in the past month that these are two different things.

And then there is the third kind of hunger, which is when I need one of my supplements, or I've forgotten to take a round of pills, I can sometimes feel hungry too, even if I've had enough to eat. It sounds crazy, but this is how my body tries to remind me to take those pills I forgot. (Doesn't always work-- sometimes I just end up eating more and not realizing I should be taking pills.)

So I reviewed if I'd taken all my pills: yes. I then tried taking some Vitamin C, and then my charcoal, although it was early in the night for that. Lay back down again, still hungry, not falling asleep.

The Poet, fast asleep, made this panicky noise he makes sometimes when he's sleeping-- a sort of half-cry of fear, half-wimper. I always assume he's reliving something terrible from his childhood at those moments, and I try to get my arms around him as fast as I can. So I jumped from my bed and into his, put my arms around him, he clung to me, snuggled around me, turned over and went back to sleep. Or maybe he never woke up. So I kept holding him, and thought, OK, I'll lie here and fall asleep. Nothing helps me sleep better than lying next to him (assuming he's not kicking me, which he does half the time, which is why I sleep in a different bed).

Fifteen minutes later and the Poet is snoring, and I am still HUNGRY!

So I decide it is real hunger and get up. The clock says 1:41. How can this be? I moved around very little today, due to exhastion I attributed to yeast die-off. I ate a big bowl of popcorn, some avocado slices and cheese right before I went to bed. It makes no sense to eat in the middle of the night like this, but if I don't sleep, tomorrow will be ruined for working as well.

So here I am. I've eaten yogurt, quinoa, carrots (yes, carrots) and cashew butter. Still feel a little hungry, but I think I will be able to sleep. Tomorrow I will give in and cut open the kabocha and steam it up. I can have it Saturday for breakfast. Four days of extreme diet is enough.